


Arcadia

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:57:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: A post-Endgame story. The return to Alpha Quadrant is not what the Voyager crew expected but time is a great healer.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A birthday story for my dear friend, Corinna. Happy Birthday m’dear. 
> 
> Thank you to Kim J for a wonderful beta. However, I have fiddled with it since – can’t help myself – therefore any mistakes are mine.

A gentle breeze ruffled Chakotay’s long hair and loose shirt as he stood on a small rocky outcrop looking over the wide valley below. The view was spectacular. Rolling hills gave way to lush, fertile plains with a picture postcard backdrop of snow-covered peaks in the distance.

Taking a deep cleansing breath of crisp mountain air, he checked the directions on the PADD Tom had sent, then turned and looked up the steep incline behind him. Somewhere higher up the mountain Voyager’s crew was gathering. It was a novel place to hold their first anniversary reunion, and more unusually, it had been Kathryn’s idea.

Her house and land were located further up the range, in amongst the dense forests of pine and spruce. He was intrigued and couldn’t help smiling as he looked towards the summit. Perhaps there was a touch of the wilderness-woman in her after all. Word of her mountain retreat had certainly piqued his curiosity.

This was not something that the Kathryn Janeway he’d known on Voyager would have done but then he didn’t know this Kathryn– the one who had been home for a year, back in the bosom of family and friends. The golden girl of Starfleet, erstwhile woman of wonder and now, latter-day recluse; this was a new and very different Kathryn from the one he remembered.

He’d only recently received word that she’d resigned her commission. It concerned him that the circumstances surrounding her departure from Starfleet had been kept so quiet and the idea of Kathryn Janeway without the trappings of Starfleet was another inconsistency that puzzled him. She’d always been a committed ‘Fleeter and although he’d made some discreet enquiries, all he could glean from those he’d spoken to was that she’d been given another command and that there’d been some sort of incident. The evasiveness and reticence of these contacts had triggered his internal red alert and this was part of the reason why he’d come. Even after all this time, Kathryn Janeway still inhabited a goodly portion of his heart and before he could move on with his life, he needed to know that she was happy and content with hers, and that he was safe to put his feelings to rest.

The fact that it had been Tom, not Kathryn, who had forwarded his invitation to the reunion, added to his wariness. Chakotay had none-too-subtly demanded information about their former captain but the ex-pilot had been deliberately vague and surprisingly tight-lipped. Ever since then, he’d been plagued by an unpleasant sensation grinding away about mid-sternum and couldn’t shake the persistent feeling of disquiet. His current fascination with his surroundings was nothing more than procrastination. Not knowing anything was preferable to knowing something unpleasant, and he didn’t want to contemplate the thought that there might be something wrong with Kathryn. To him, she’d always seemed so indestructible.

It had been over eight months since he’d seen her. After a brief but sad farewell at the end of his debriefings, he’d left for Trebus with no intention of returning. At the time, he’d convinced himself that it was a well-considered decision however, on reflection, he realised that it had been a knee-jerk reaction, precipitated by his chronic fatigue and the trauma of Voyager’s homecoming. He’d thought that for his own emotional survival he needed to put some distance between himself and the preceding seven years. Trebus seemed like the perfect escape. It certainly gave him distance and a chance to breathe, unfettered from the responsibility and duty to Voyager and her crew. But after several months, he’d been forced to admit that it wasn’t the solution he was hoping for.

He’d thought of Kathryn often and had almost contacted her many times but subspace communication from Trebus was difficult at best and knowing deep down that he’d made a mistake leaving earth he became determined to justify his decision. Once committed to his purpose there, he’d become fixated on the task at hand. Time had passed in a blur of gruelling work, heat and dust. Each day, as he’d toiled in the fields and greenhouses, Voyager drifted further and further from his present life.

His undertaking on Trebus had been to help his sister and the remaining members of his tribe as they tried to salvage some sort of existence from the scarred remains of their home planet. It was exhausting work, but as long as one was prepared to measure their achievements in small increments, they achieved a certain level of satisfaction.

Chakotay smiled to himself as he thought of the exuberant celebration that had taken place when the first few ears of corn had been harvested from their inaugural plantings. There’d been seventeen cobs in all, enough for only half each, but it had been a moment of triumph and the sweetest corn he’d ever tasted.

Although his life on Trebus was not much more than tolerable, it was a vast improvement on what life had been like in the first few weeks after their arrival.

Their homecoming had been a bittersweet experience. In all the years of their journey and the constant yearning to be home, none of Voyager’s crew had truly grasped how traumatic the reality would be. Wrenched from their protected, if precarious little world and flung to the four winds, they’d been left floundering. The realisation had only struck at the last minute and by that time, it was too late to prepare.

Immediately upon their arrival, family and friends had swooped in and whisked their lost loved ones away. Within hours of Voyager’s touchdown, the ship was a deserted shell, with jubilant but stunned returnees scattered far and wide. They’d been left to come to terms with their new circumstances, isolated from the familiar comradeship of their crewmates and in many instances, there hadn’t even been an opportunity to say a proper goodbye.

Not only did they have their sudden dislocation to contend with but, because of the unique nature of their experiences in the Delta Quadrant, the assigned counsellors also hadn’t the vaguest notion of how to tackle the problems the returnees faced. Having endured an ordeal never before experienced by any other Starfleet personnel, their psyches were fragile and, in some cases where there was real damage, they required swift and decisive intervention. It was not forthcoming, however, and it still angered Chakotay that Starfleet had been so ill-prepared.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that after the jarring reality of their precipitous return, removed from the protective familiarity of Voyager and thrust back into what was tantamount to an alien world, there would be a degree of emotional fallout. It was difficult, slotting back into old existences and searching to find a place for themselves in the lives of friends and family who, in many cases, had moved on. Some of the reactions had been extreme and from what Chakotay now knew, Starfleet had exhibited gross negligence in their efforts to deal with the crew’s reintegration and the ensuing consequences.

Once the initial euphoria had worn off, a number of issues had arisen.

The first and most surprising victim of this abrupt separation had been Vorik, the young Vulcan engineer. Back on his home planet, his family had contacted Tuvok, an unusual occurrence under the circumstances and evidence of their deep concern. Vorik had gone into seclusion, isolating himself for no apparent reason. Tuvok’s suspicions had been aroused regarding the young man’s motives and he began keeping a close eye on his activities. It was fortuitous; had he not, Vorik would have been lost.

The young Engineer disappeared one day, without a word to his family or colleagues. Tuvok and his son, Sec, had tracked him to Vulcan’s Forge, only to find him staggering in circles – incoherent and lost. The last Chakotay had heard of Vorik was that he was in the care of Vulcan priests, his condition improving daily with the expectation that he would make a full recovery. It was, however, another legacy of their odyssey and Starfleet’s mishandling of the needs of Voyager’s returned heroes.

There had also been several reports of substance abuse, depression – and even a couple of uncharacteristic outbursts of violence – but Chakotay had known nothing of this until a few weeks ago. He’d suffered his own form of grief over the loss of his shipmates and the life they’d led, but in the protective cocoon of his sister’s family, he felt he’d managed to overcome many of the ghosts that had haunted him. All except one – _Kathryn –_ and it was she whom he’d come to see today.

He had four days on Earth before his transport returned to the Dorvan system and he intended to find some sort of resolution to the unrequited feelings he still harboured for his captain and friend. It was time to tie up all the loose ends of those seven years and put them behind him. He would then be able to get on with his life without the spectre of Kathryn Janeway hovering forever in his thoughts. This was his intention but alongside the grinding worry was the frank realisation that he would never be able to remove Kathryn from his heart entirely. She’d taken up residence there eight years ago, been there ever since and wasn’t likely to be leaving anytime soon.

Smiling grimly, Chakotay took another deep breath and, trying to put his troubled thoughts aside, he turned away from the view. He’d delayed long enough. There were still a few kilometres left to hike and he didn’t want to arrive too late in the day. Hoisting his bag onto his shoulders, he checked the PADD again for directions before he tucked it into his pocket and moved back onto the path.

It was about a half an hour later when he heard the first sounds of life. A peal of laughter and a couple of shouts echoed down from above him. He rounded the next corner and there it was.

Set in a natural valley between two peaks – with green pastures and meadows flowing around either side – was Kathryn Janeway’s house. Built of natural stone and raw timber and, nestled in amongst several large elms and conifers, it sprawled over a vast area. Flowering beds of roses and peonies dotted the front lawn, tumbling one over the other in a cascade of colour. There were several people milling about on the lawns but he wasn’t close enough to make out who they were. He stood for a few moments and took stock. So, this was where she lived now. Astonishing. This was different from what he’d expected and he was very much looking forward to meeting this Kathryn Janeway.

Hefting his bag onto his shoulder, he began the final climb to Arcadia.

A few minutes later, there was a loud whoop and someone yelled his name, “Chakotay!!” Several more people stopped what they were doing and began to move down the hill towards him.

Tom was there with B’Elanna and a toddling Miral and, moving with them down the hill to meet him, were Harry Kim, Tal Celes, Ken Dalby, Mike Ayala, Mariah Henley, Golwat and Gerron. Others were emerging from the house and outbuildings and before he knew what was happening, a small crowd had gathered around him. They all greeted him with hugs, smiles and back slaps. He returned their greetings and grinned delightedly at his shipmates. It had been a long time since he’d felt so at home and an unfamiliar swell of joy billowed in his chest, the sensation taking him by surprise. Someone had relieved him of his pack and suddenly B’Elanna had her arm laced through his, hugging him tight against her as the group moved, en masse, towards the house.

Filled with wonder at his own reaction, he stopped dead in his tracks a moment later as a familiar husky voice cut through the chatter.

“Well, it’s about time. Hello, stranger. You’ve been dawdling, haven’t you?”

Standing on the top step with her arms crossed, Kathryn was leaning against the banister post. She smiled broadly, her eyes bright and the sunlight glinting off her long hair. It was hanging in loose waves around her face and over her shoulders; she’d let it grow out but what struck him most profoundly was the gentle look in her eyes and sense of peace that surrounded her. Gone were the harsh lines that had hardened the set of her mouth, the furrowed brow and pinched look she’d worn constantly towards the end of their journey. This Kathryn Janeway was home, within herself as well as without. He’d dreamt of meeting this Kathryn. That gnawing feeling of doubt evaporated and he returned her happy smile with one of his own.

He felt whole again.

B’Elanna patted his hand and moved away. The group began to disperse – perhaps sensing that it was time to leave their commanding officers alone.

Still smiling, Kathryn held out her hand and he stepped up and embraced her. It seemed such a natural thing to do.

She spoke quietly into his ear. “I’m glad you could come. It’s so good to see you.”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” He pulled back and studied her more closely, the swell of emotion hard to suppress. “You look wonderful.”

She quirked an eyebrow; her mouth twisting into a wry smile, “Hmmm, thank you. You’re looking fit and well too. I rather like the wild and woolly look.”

He self-consciously ran his hand through his long hair, grinned and shrugged. “No barbers on Trebus.”

Kathryn nodded – still smiling – and he watched her eyes raking over him quickly, taking in his tanned and leaner physique.

“Would you like a drink? It’s a long haul up that hill.”

“I would kill for a coffee.”

Kathryn laughed. It was a light and airy sound, and he laughed along with her until she turned and moved back towards the door. His laughter died on his lips as he watched her drag her right leg in an exaggerated limp – her right arm, twisted and hanging by her side. When she noticed that he wasn’t beside her, she stopped and turned back slowly, giving him an apologetic smile.

“Come inside, Chakotay, I’ll explain.”

That grinding fist of dread slammed into him, almost knocking him double. He’d known. Deep inside, he’d known but hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it. And he also knew that he was somehow responsible. With obvious effort, she lifted her damaged arm towards him and waited patiently, her eyes never leaving his as a cascade of raw emotions tumbled through his mind and no doubt showed on his face. This had thrown his world completely off kilter.

His voice was a rasp and his eyes welled with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kathryn shook her head slightly. “It’s all right. Come with me… please. I will tell you, but not out here.”

Forcing himself to move, he came up beside her. She held his gaze before lifting her injured arm with her healthy one and looping it through his.

Trying desperately to control his emotions, he nodded, unable to speak.

She smiled at him. “Thank you.”

Just inside the doorway, Kathryn grabbed a walking stick that was propped against the wall. Using the cane, but still clutching his arm, she hobbled across the room towards a doorway. “The kitchen’s this way.”

Chakotay walked numbly beside her. Why hadn’t someone warned him? Curse fucking Paris! And what the hell had B’Elanna been thinking? Didn’t she realise that he would want to know that Kathryn had been injured? And why hadn’t Kathryn contacted him? Anger and grief warred within.

“So coffee for you?” She extricated her arm from his. “Do you still have it contaminated by all that milk and sugar?”

Chakotay shook his head. His voice didn’t sound like his own as the words squeezed past the aching tightness in his throat. “No, I have it black these days.”

Kathryn quirked her brow. “Funny. Would you believe I don’t drink it at all anymore? I drink tea instead. Isn’t life peculiar?” She approached the replicator and requested their drinks. Turning back towards him, she gave him a shrug. “Would you mind bringing them, I still haven’t mastered walking without spilling yet. Although I’m improving and can get to the outside table with about half a cup left these days.”

She smiled cheerily, but Chakotay felt like crying. He knew he couldn’t, however. If Kathryn could cope with her limitations, who was he to indulge? She certainly wouldn’t appreciate it. Breathing deeply, he won the hard-fought battle for control.

Picking up the drinks from the replicator, he turned back towards her, smiling gently. “Lead the way.” It was said as a sign of respect and an acknowledgment of all those years they’d spent together as captain and first officer. It was his heartfelt homage to the woman before him.

She stared at him for a long moment as understanding passed silently between them. Then, with a beaming smile, she turned towards the door that led outside. “I’m glad to know you’re with me, Chakotay.”

He whispered gruffly, loud enough so she could hear. “Always, Kathryn. Always.”

Still with her back to him, she nodded and limped out the door. Chakotay followed with the two steaming mugs.

* * *

They ended up in a small private courtyard, surrounded on three sides by tall, vine-covered walls of stone. After placing their drinks on the small timber table, he pulled Kathryn’s chair out for her, waited while she took her seat and then sat opposite. She took a sip of her tea and nodded towards the walls behind him.

“This is my private sanctuary.” Chuckling quietly again, she looked towards the house. “The crew refer to it as the ‘Ready Room’.” She shrugged. “It’s a little different from the original but in essence it serves the same purpose. They know that if I’m out here, I’m not to be disturbed unless it’s for something urgent.”

Chakotay was sipping the bitter brew, but had trouble swallowing past the fisted lump in his throat as he watched Kathryn pick up her limp arm and drape it across her lap.

He couldn’t wait any longer. “What happened, Kathryn? I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I need to know. Perhaps someone else can tell me or…”

She reached across the table with her good hand and patted his. “It’s all right, my friend. I’ll tell you. It was an accident. A terrible one; avoidable too, but isn’t that the nature of accidents? One bad decision follows another and disaster reigns. It could have been worse. _I_ was fortunate.”

Somehow he didn’t think so but she let go of his hand and he watched as she took another sip of her tea. Her upbeat manner and words belied the set of her shoulders and the sudden tightness in her jaw. It had been bad, he could tell. He waited in silence, steeling his heart in readiness for her harrowing tale.

Settling back into her chair, her eyes drifted past his shoulder as she looked back in time and told him of the accident.

“It happened just over six months ago. Once my debriefings were over, I was offered a promotion but I refused it. Admiral Hayes and Necheyev were livid. I explained to them that I’d joined Starfleet to explore the stars, not sit behind a desk, but it seems no one refuses Necheyev and I think it became her mission to teach me a lesson. I was given another command. It was an ugly barge of a thing and you wouldn’t believe what it was called.”

Chakotay shook his head.

Kathryn huffed a bitter laugh. “The USS Dauntless. Can you believe it? I should have known I was in for trouble, but I was being stubborn and combative. As I saw it, I had a point to prove. That doesn’t sound much like me, does it?” She winked at him and he tried very hard to smile, but it was difficult.

“I was assigned a newly minted crew, many of them fresh from the Academy. All our Voyager crew who had stayed on in Starfleet had been given other assignments. I protested but was told, in no uncertain terms, that if I insisted on remaining a captain, then I would have to follow orders. Necheyev’s exact words were, ‘ _You are not on your own now, Captain Janeway. We follow Starfleet regulations here in the Alpha Quadrant. There will be no more carousing with the enemy or malleable interpretations of protocol to suit your needs.’_ ” Kathryn gave Chakotay a humourless smile.

He understood the irony of that message, but without acknowledging it, she continued. “In other words, I was to do as I was told and shut up about it. I capitulated, but I wasn’t happy, as you can imagine.”

She smiled at him again and took a sip of her tea. Placing her cup carefully onto the table, she looked up and shrugged. “Two days after being given command of that bucket of bolts, we were sent on a mission to the Badlands to track down and arrest a handful of Maquis who had apparently eluded capture in the final sweep.” Her eyes met his for a heartbeat. “Sound familiar?”

Chakotay nodded. “Just a little.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “It was a fool’s errand; an impossible task, foisted on us merely to knock me down a few pegs. I don’t know, maybe they thought I’d finish up in the Delta Quadrant again – problem solved.” She gave a harsh laugh.

“I knew, though, that if there’d been any Maquis left behind, they would have returned to their home planets – as you and your family were doing – to re-establish communities and repair the damage from the Dominion war. About two weeks into the mission, we received intelligence that a rogue vessel of possible Cardassian configuration had been seen roaming planets just inside the Badlands. So we set course for its last known position.” This time she shook her head. “It was an ambush – hardly a surprise in retrospect. But with the green crew and my instincts clouded by my own anger and sense of injustice, I fell into the trap. They knew I was in command. It was some sort of vendetta because of my links and apparent empathy for the Maquis. News travels fast.”

Kathryn closed her eyes and she took a series of steadying breaths. Chakotay watched as she tried to get her emotions under control. It _had_ been his fault after all. His past had come back, but not to haunt him; it had caused this catastrophe. Kathryn had been caught in the crossfire and the realisation was a savage blow. It took all his strength not to howl and rail at the injustice of it all. Hadn’t they suffered enough?

Finally – unable to stand watching her fighting her grief and anger alone – he reached across the table and placed his hand over her clenched fist. His voice a gruff whisper. “You don’t need to say anything more, Kathryn. I understand and I’m so sorry.”

Her eyes snapped open and he almost reeled back at the look of outrage and pain that glared back at him. With several rapid blinks, she found a measure of control, and turning her hand in his, she held onto him with an iron grip.

“I was one of the lucky ones. Of my fifty-eight crew, only seventeen survived the attack. We were left for dead and through some good luck and foresight on the part of my exec, we were able to limp out of the Badlands and contact Starfleet. During the battle, I finished up under a large piece of bulkhead that crushed the right side of my body. I spent several days drifting in and out of consciousness in the Enterprise’s sickbay and the next thing I remember is waking up in Starfleet medical over two weeks later. I was in regen gel for a month and, since then, the Doctor has been my own personal therapist-cum-torturer. He’s determined to get me back to my old self even if it kills him – or I do.” She added sotto voce and gave his hand one more squeeze before she let go.

Picking up her cup again, she averted her gaze as she sipped her drink, obviously uncomfortable that she’d revealed so much of her anger and distress – although there really hadn’t been any point to hiding it. He would have known. He’d always had an uncanny knack for seeing through her pretence.

“I’m sorry, Kathryn.”

She snorted quietly. “Don’t be. I was luckier than most, and as soon as I was well enough, I resigned my commission in protest. That was the last time they were going to use my crew or me as pawns in their power games and I wasn’t going to be their all-smiling, all-dancing Delta Quadrant Darling either. I don’t know what happened to Starfleet in the years we were gone, but it seems they sold their soul off in pieces. It started with the Cardassians and the Maquis, and bit by bit they compromised their ideals for short term gains. I can’t work for an organisation or people whose values are so compromised. For a time I hated them, but now I just feel sad.

“But ‘every cloud’, as they say.” She lifted her cup and tilted it towards him. “Resigning my commission allowed me a new focus. Starfleet had sorely neglected their obligation to Voyager’s crew and it became my responsibility to ensure that they were taken care of. I already owned this house and land so I came here to live and invited any of the crew who cared to join me. There are about forty of us here now and more and more are arriving all the time.”

Chakotay frowned. “You have forty ex-Voyager crew living here with you?” He looked around, trying to imagine that number of people in the house. It was a vast home, but he couldn’t see how it could comfortably accommodate that many people.

Kathryn chuckled. “Don’t worry; I haven’t turned into a doddering old landlady. I own this whole mountain and there are cabins and houses dotted all over the lee side. Would you like to see? I think you’ll be impressed.”

“I’d love to.” Chakotay got to his feet and helped Kathryn to stand, then handed her the walking stick. She tapped a combadge on her shirt. “Can we have my hover-car brought to the front, please?”

In answer there was a non-descript, _“Aye, Kathryn.”_ as she took a slow step towards the door.

Without hesitating, Chakotay moved to her side and tucked her damaged arm under his. Smiling down at her, he heaved a sigh and spoke quietly. “I could get used to this.”

“It’s rather nice, but don’t get _too_ used to it. I’m not planning on being an invalid forever.”

“Kathryn, I would never think of you as an invalid. Ever.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m positively spritely compared to what I was like a couple of months ago, but I’m determined.”

This time Chakotay laughed quietly. “Now that’s the understatement of the century. Don’t they have your name next to that word in the dictionary?” He laid his hand over hers where it rested on his arm. “I have no doubt that you’ll do it, Kathryn. Not a doubt in the world.”

“You always were one of my greatest advocates, weren’t you, Chakotay?”

He looked down at her, unsure of what he should say, but before he could reply, she pulled him forward and began walking.

“No need to answer that. I’m just glad you’re here, even for a short time.” Stopping again, she lifted her cane and shook it to make a point. “That’s something else I’ve learned – to forgive – myself mostly, but also those around me. We all make mistakes and the thing is not to keep making the same ones. It’s a hard lesson but I think I’ve finally got it figured. Besides, life’s too short to harbour too many regrets.”

She cupped one of his cheeks, pulled him down a little, and then reached up and kissed his other cheek. “I’ve missed you my friend.”

Chakotay swallowed, his eyes suddenly burning with tears. The emotional impact of seeing Kathryn again, and in her current state, was tearing him apart. He’d completely underestimated the strength and depth of his feelings and the power they wielded over his life. The sense of belonging, need and acceptance – as well as the deep and immutable connection forged all those years ago – was still strong and unbreakable. His feelings were complex and confusing. All he wanted to do in this moment was to haul her into his arms, hold her safe from harm and tell her how sorry he was that he hadn’t been there to protect her. He felt responsible and not only because of the Maquis connection; if he’d been by her side, he would never have allowed her to be so gravely injured.

Her hand was warm on his cheek and she whispered. “Don’t. I know what you’re thinking but you couldn’t have done anything. Even if you’d been here on Earth and retained your commission, they would never have allowed you to be on the same vessel with me. I’m not your responsibility anymore, Chakotay.”

Taking a deep breath, he turned and, taking her hand from his cheek, he kissed her palm before he let it go. “That’s where you’re wrong, Kathryn. You will always be a part of me. We’re connected; deeply, truly and forever.”

He could see her eyes mist with tears, but she lightened the mood by tugging him close to her side again and resting her head on his shoulder. “So I’m never going to get rid of you, huh?”

Before he could think of a reason why he shouldn’t, he placed a kiss on her hair and whispered. “Never.”

“Well I’m not going to argue with that.” She looked up at him and smiled again, then drifted away slightly, putting a little distance between them. “Come on, the hover-car is out here. Let’s go and look at the rest of Arcadia before it gets too dark.”

Walking by her side, Chakotay felt a powerful sense of belonging. It was something that had been missing from his life during the time they’d been apart. He loved Trebus and his family there; it held a special place in his heart but he’d left thirty-five years ago and one really couldn’t go back. He felt an obligation towards ensuring its future but that distant planet was not where his heart belonged. It wasn’t home anymore and it hadn’t been for a long, long time. Voyager was the closest thing he’d had to a home in the many years since he’d left the Dorvan system. Until he’d been wrenched from the fragile security of its bulkheads, that tenacious little ship had been the place where he’d finally found that elusive sense of peace he’d so desperately craved.

As he and Kathryn exited the house and he looked around at the familiar faces of the crew sitting in the gardens and walking the lawns, it occurred to him that – bulkheads or not – it was _these people_ who were his home. Kathryn had always insisted that they were a family. He’d paid lip service to the idea for her sake but maybe she’d been right. They were a family, an accidental family – their bonds forged through adversity and suffering and tempered by tenacity, fortitude and love.

Chakotay’s mind was awash with these thoughts as they approached the hover-car, but they were forgotten momentarily when he saw Vorik holding the door open for Kathryn.

Chakotay nodded to the young Vulcan. “Hello, Vorik. It’s good to see you.”

“It is gratifying to see you too, Sir. It has been many months. I gather you are well?”

“Yes, thank you. And you?”

“I am recovered and…” he blinked slowly, “… content with my life.”

“I’m pleased to hear it.”

Kathryn laid her hand affectionately on the young man’s forearm and, for a brief moment, Vorik looked at his former captain. Chakotay could see the guarded look in Vorik’s eyes soften as Kathryn smiled at him. She lowered herself gingerly into the driver’s seat and Chakotay watched in surprise as the engineer knelt down and, with the utmost care, helped Kathryn lift her damaged leg into the car. After ensuring she was comfortable, he stood again, inclined his head towards Chakotay, then turned and walked back towards the garages.

Chakotay slid into the passenger seat and followed Kathryn’s gaze as she watched Vorik’s retreating figure.

“He lives above there and maintains the shuttle and other transport vehicles. He’s happy.”

“He looks it.”

Kathryn glanced sideways at Chakotay but he reassured her. “I mean it; he looks happy… or what passes for happy for a Vulcan.”

“I’m glad you think so. He suffered greatly, poor boy.”

“I only heard what happened a few weeks ago. Subspace communication on Trebus is rudimentary at best. There is only one transmitter and it spends more time being repaired than working. We tend to use it for emergencies only.”

Kathryn nodded and looked towards him, smiling. He opened his mouth to say something more, although, he wasn’t sure what.

Kathryn shook her head. “Don’t feel guilty. I understand your need to make the break, to find your family and yourself. Many did the same. It was a natural reaction to living in such close quarters for so long. I think there are some of the crew who we’ll never see again. They’ve severed the link – and that is their way of coping – but for a fair proportion of them, the bonds we forged are closer than that of family. And in the end, they’ve found their peace here, away from the prying eyes of the press and Starfleet’s inadequate meddling.”

Chakotay frowned and wondered if it was Kathryn’s guilt that still drove her and compelled her to look after ‘her flock’ – whether she was still trying to right the wrongs that she misguidedly thought were her responsibility.

She read his mind again and reaching across, she patted his leg. “I’ve come to terms with my guilt. It will always be a part of me but it doesn’t eat at me anymore. And it’s not the destructive force that it once was. As Tom would say, ‘I’m using it for good instead of evil.’” She chuckled quietly; then smiled broadly. “I’ve found a real sense of peace and contentment here. It works for some, but not for others, and I would never force anyone to stay. You know that, don’t you?”

He laid his hand over hers – where it rested on his thigh – and gave it a squeeze. “Of course I do. It’s tranquil and beautiful, Kathryn, and I understand why people are drawn here. I’m relieved to know that the crew are being cared for and that you’ve found solace here as well.”

She nodded and pulled her hand away slowly. “I knew you’d understand.” Leaving the conversation there, she took a deep breath, turned frontwards and tapped the console.

The hover car came to life. After draping her injured arm across her lap, she manipulated the joystick with her left hand. With a few decisive movements, the vehicle rose several inches off the ground and surged forward.

Chakotay marvelled as he watched her manoeuvre expertly over the bumpy terrain. She saw his look and shrugged. “B’Elanna modified it for me. I was going crazy stuck in the house with the Doctor constantly nagging me. As soon as I was able to drag myself out the door, Tom rigged this for me and B’Elanna adapted the controls. I’m free as a bird now and can escape the Doctor whenever he becomes too tedious.”

“I bet he’s not pleased about that.”

“Actually, he surprised us. He held the door open for me and practically rolled me down the driveway.” She laughed. “I think he was almost as glad to get rid of me as I was to escape. He can now yodel arias to his heart’s content while I’m out of the house. We still tend to rub each other the wrong way. Even so, he’s been relentless with my rehabilitation and I wouldn’t have come this far without him. I have a lot to thank him for and he’s almost as determined as I am to get me back in full working order, but we maintain the prickliness because it’s something we’re used to. It’s comfortable and reassuring in a strange way.”

Chakotay shook his head, chuckling. “Some things never change.”

“Thank heavens.” She glanced at him, and then turned away quickly.

There was something in her look but he wasn’t quite sure what it was. It may have been regret but before he could question her, she continued filling him in on all that he’d missed.

“Celes also lives in the house with me as my helper and ‘right’ hand man.” She smiled. “After debriefings, she returned to Bajor but couldn’t settle and, with nowhere else to go, decided to come back to Earth. She came to visit me in the hospital one day and, while I was arguing with the Doctor about refusing to have a constant stream of unknown nurses traipsing through the house, she offered to look after me, accompanying me here when I was released from the hospital. She’s been a godsend, especially in those early weeks when I could barely move.”

Kathryn smiled. “As I’ve become more mobile and needed less assistance with my physical care, she’s been spending more and more time with Harry. Romance has blossomed, it seems, and I couldn’t be happier. They make a lovely couple.”

Chakotay noticed how she’d glossed over the fact that she’d been so gravely incapacitated she’d required a fulltime carer. An invisible fist gripped his heart and guilt slammed into him again. It should have been him. He would have gladly taken care of her but he’d been busy trying to forget her, an impossible pursuit as it so happened.

Turning to apologise to her, Chakotay bit his tongue, watching as she waved happily to Ken Dalby and Mariah Henley as the two tended the garden in front of what Chakotay presumed was their house. Now wasn’t the time to address his mistakes and he stayed silent instead, smiling at her as she pointed out the newly built homes and to whom they belonged. The guilt and self-directed anger was bubbling away inside him, though, and he was having real trouble taming all the rampant emotions. Closing his eyes briefly, he quashed all the rage and bitterness – promising himself that he would deal with them later. With a smile frozen on his face, he turned to look where she was pointing next.

Tom and B’Elanna’s house was closest to the homestead and Harry had a small cottage further up the hill. There were several other houses tucked in amongst the trees and hidden within gorges and small valleys. Each one reflected the owner’s tastes and Chakotay was amazed at the wonderful sense of community that had evolved from this unusual setup. They seemed to thrive on the same sense of family and shared ideals as they had on Voyager. He was incredibly impressed.

“This is an amazing setup, Kathryn.”

“Yes, it is. Local contractors build the houses, but everyone pitches in and helps. And as far as the rest of it goes, we’ve got B’Elanna and the engineering staff to thank for that. We’re practically self-sufficient. We grow a lot of our own food – much as we did on Voyager; water is pumped from springs to a central reservoir higher up the mountain and distributed from there. The waste system, which is pollution-free, is similar to the one on Voyager and our power is generated by a small portable warp core…”

His eyebrows shot up his forehead in surprise and he opened his mouth to comment but Kathryn shook her head and laughed. “Don’t ask. Your ex-Maquis have certain skills that have been unrivalled in this endeavour. You trained them well.”

It was Chakotay’s turn to shake his head. “I can’t take credit for that. They came by those skills all by themselves. A warp generator? Does Starfleet know?”

She shrugged again. “I have no idea and I don’t care. It’s shielded and well maintained; it isn’t a problem.”

He laughed again at her casual disregard. “Kathryn Janeway, renegade. Who would have thought?”

“I’ve never been one to play by the rules.”

Before he could help himself, he snorted. “You could have fooled me.”

The instant the words passed his lips, he regretted them.

The vehicle slowed and came to a stop. There was nothing he could say to lessen the bitter tone of his words and no point in trying to take them back. It seemed that the resentment that he thought he’d dealt with over the last year was still there – as healthy and hearty as ever – and his current state of disquiet wasn’t helping. He was angry with himself for articulating it, especially under the circumstances.

Kathryn turned to him slowly, her eyes clear but sad. “About that. I’m sorry. I was always sorry but, rightly or wrongly, I felt at the time that I couldn’t do anything about our feelings for one another. You don’t know how many times over the years I’ve wanted to tell you how I felt, but in the end, I was proved right. If the Admiral hadn’t arrived, you and Seven would have made a life for yourselves on Voyager and your feelings for me would have died. I made the right decision.”

Chakotay frowned, unsure of what she was saying. Did she think he still harboured feelings for Seven? Their relationship had finished long before they’d even arrived on Earth. After spending time with Admiral Janeway and seeing yet another multi-faceted incarnation of Kathryn, he knew he couldn’t continue his liaison with Seven and they’d agreed to call off their relationship.

“Kathryn, Seven and I ended our relationship a long time ago. We don’t have romantic feelings for one another anymore. I don’t think we ever really did.”

“I know. Seven told me. But things change and I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for all the heartache my silence caused over the years.”

“I understood your reasons, Kathryn. I was a captain too, remember, and I’ve experienced the pitfalls of having a relationship with someone under my command. I respected your decision. I may not have liked it, but I understood. I don’t know why I said what I did. It was unkind and unwarranted, and I apologise.”

She nodded, accepting his reasons and apology without question. “Then perhaps it was my heartache and regret that I needed to come to terms with, but it was a long time ago and the situation is very different now.”

She moved the hover car forward again and changed the subject. “Down to the right is the river and there are….”

Her voice faded into the background as he tried to process what she had just told him. How was it different? Surely, she didn’t think that her injuries would change how he felt about her, although, they already had in some respects. He couldn’t find a foothold with this Kathryn. Her openness and the candid expression of her feelings, both past and present, had him struggling to equate this woman with the Kathryn of old and the more she revealed of herself, the more confused he became. This visit was only for four days; he’d already toyed with the idea of staying but he wasn’t sure if there was a place for him here.

“…Sixteen thirty, it’s time to collect her from the transport station.”

Tuning back in, Chakotay turned to Kathryn, frowning in question. “Who, from the where?”

“Seven. You weren’t listening, were you?” She laughed. “Sorry, I do tend to prattle on about the place. I was saying that it’s time to pick Seven up from the transporter station. She lives here on the weekends. During the week she’s on Jupiter Station but each Friday afternoon she catches a transport back to Earth and beams directly here.”

Chakotay wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing Seven again. They’d parted amicably but there was still so much he hadn’t processed. His time on Trebus, where he thought he’d so cleverly come to terms with his past, had been a complete failure. It had merely provided him with the opportunity to run away and avoid the issues.

He masked his disquiet with a question, a stupid one no less, but it was the first thing that came into his head. “Why didn’t you pick me up from the transporter station? It took me hours to walk up that hill.”

They’d arrived at the station and turning off the hover-car, Kathryn frowned at him, picking up on his disgruntled tone. However – in what he was coming to recognise as the new and forgiving Kathryn – she answered him without hesitation or pandering to his ego.

“I thought you might need some time to acclimate. You’ve been away for a long while and I imagined you spending the time – climbing the hill, thinking about Voyager, the crew and the Delta Quadrant, and getting it all straight in your mind before you saw us. If it had been me, that’s what I would have wanted to do.”

Without waiting for an answer, she turned, pulled her walking stick from the rear seat and opened the door. She was right of course and knew him too well. He would add that to the list of apologies he had to make. Then, as if on cue, Seven emerged from the transport building and walked briskly to the car, leaning in as she assisted Kathryn from the front seat.

Kathryn kissed her cheek and Seven kept her arm around the older woman’s shoulder while supporting her damaged arm. “You should not come alone, Kathryn. I have mentioned this on more than one occasion. What if you should have an accident?”

Chakotay realised that Seven hadn’t seen him and climbed out of the car. He looked over the hood of the vehicle. “Hello, Seven.”

“See, I’m not alone.” Kathryn grinned. “You two say your hellos while I go and see Richard about authorising the transport of supplies.”

They both watched Kathryn, shoulders back and head held high, as she hobbled towards the building.

Seven turned away first and faced Chakotay. “It is good to see you, Chakotay. We have often wondered how you were faring and if we would ever see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too, Seven.”

She acknowledged his words with a dip of her head and then glanced over her shoulder, concern evident in her features. “She does too much and refuses to recognise her limitations.”

“She wouldn’t be Kathryn Janeway if she did.”

Seven smiled at that and nodded as she looked back at him. “You are correct in your analysis but that does not mean that it is not frustrating to witness.”

“I find it … admirable.”

“As do we all, but I wish she would allow us to help her more.” She shrugged in a very un-Seven-like manner as she tossed her bag in the back of the car.

Chakotay moved to the back door of the vehicle to make room for Seven in the front seat but she shook her head. “No, stay. It is where you belong.”

Before Chakotay could digest that comment, Kathryn emerged from the station with a young and very handsome transporter technician on her arm. She laughed at something he said and although Chakotay smiled as he moved towards them, a small and unwelcome knot of jealousy tightened around his heart. He felt foolish and glanced at Seven. She was smiling at the pair and her mouth broadened further when the young technician matched her look with a grin of his own.

Chakotay met Kathryn and her escort about halfway between the car and the building. She reached for Chakotay’s hand with her good arm, walking stick looped around her wrist.

“Richard, this is Chakotay. You’ve heard us mention him, I’m sure. Chakotay, I’d like you to meet Richard Parish, our local transport Tech, procurer of all things exotic and a dear friend.”

The two men shook hands but Chakotay noticed that the young man’s glances were aimed at Seven and she was doing a very poor job of hiding her interest. The knot of jealousy loosened and he looked at Kathryn.

She grinned at him, winked and jerked her head towards the car. “Give me a hand will you, Chakotay?” She let go of Richard’s arm and took Chakotay’s. “We’ll see you up at the house later, Richard?”

The young man tore his eyes away from Seven and nodded. “Sure thing, Kathryn. See you about 1900.”

Chakotay took one last look at Seven and Richard Parish as they spoke quietly to one another.

Kathryn gave him a light shove. “Jealous?”

He looked startled. “No, not at all. A little surprised. Although…”

Kathryn raised her brow in question. “Although…?”

“I was jealous for a moment when he waltzed out the door with you on his arm, looking at you as if you were the only woman in the world.”

Kathryn laughed. “I was talking to him about Seven, hence his attentive look. And I don’t waltz. At least, not yet.”

“You will.”

Kathryn sat in the driver’s seat and Chakotay knelt down beside her. As she draped her arm across her lap, he helped lift her leg into the car but let his hand linger on her slender calf. He could feel the tension in the muscle under his hand and he stroked it gently. Hearing her breath hitch, he looked up to find her staring at him, her eyes wide, her look tentative. Their gazes held for several heartbeats and then, in another impulsive move, he leant forward, kissed the thigh of her wounded leg, then rested his head in her lap, his face turned away from her. A foolish thought flashed through his mind – of being able to instil her with his strength, taking her injuries upon himself, anything to make her whole again and free from this suffering.

Her hand rested gently on his head and he closed his eyes. She stroked his hair and then she did something that made him want to laugh and cry at the same time. In a soft, crooning voice, she soothed him. “It will be all right. I promise. It will all be all right in the end.”

The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him, but in a strange way, he was reassured and while lifting his head slowly, he took her hand and kissed her palm. “I know it will. I never doubted it for a moment.”

With that, she smiled and took a deep breath. She looked over his shoulder, and Chakotay realised that Seven and Parish had been witness to this quiet and intense moment. He turned, not sure what to expect, but Seven gave him a gentle smile and, with tear-filled eyes, quickly opened the back door of the hover-car and climbed in. Parish nodded encouragingly as Chakotay passed him on his way to the passenger side of the car. Taking his place next to Kathryn, Chakotay wasn’t sure if he was more or less confused. Four days seemed like a lifetime from where he was right now.

* * *

It wasn’t however.

The days flew by, each one passing quicker than the one before.

One hundred and twenty three of the crew gathered on that Saturday evening to celebrate the anniversary of their return. It was a joyous occasion. Everyone looked healthy and happy. The trials and torments of the past year seemed to fade into the distance as they stepped forward into the second year of their homecoming. Kathryn was in her element. She’d spent the first few hours on her feet, moving amongst the crew. But when she became weary, she asked Chakotay to place a chair in the middle of the proceedings so she could be part of the fun, accessible to everyone. He was happy to oblige and took great joy in watching her laugh as she swapped stories and jokes with the crew. Those who hadn’t seen her for several months or who were unaware of her injuries were initially shocked but soon, they became used to seeing her with either her walking stick or clasping someone’s arm as she mingled with her beloved family.

By 0100 most of the revellers had either gone or were bedded down for the night somewhere on Arcadia. Chakotay escorted Kathryn to her room, kissing her hand outside her door before moving down the hallway to his bedroom.

* * *

Chakotay stood in the middle of his room, going over the highs and lows of the last thirty-six hours. There had been so much to do to ready the place for the influx of people that he and Kathryn hadn’t spent much time on their own since their moment in the hover-car. Kathryn had been so busy coordinating the preparations that there hadn’t been an opportunity to catch her alone, but he needed to speak with her. He’d come here to find some sort of resolution to his complicated and complex feelings for this woman, but he was even more confused now than he’d been when he arrived.

Although it was late, he could hear Kathryn moving about in her room. Perhaps now was as good a time as any to discuss things. Stepping outside into the hallway, he looked up the corridor just in time to see the Doctor knock on her door.

She opened it and he could hear her exasperated voice. “Oh, Doctor, not tonight. I’m exhausted.”

“Captain, it is essential that we maintain the regimen and, as exhausted as you are, I am not. One could view it as ‘the curse of the never-weary.’ Lie down please and I will be as quick as I can.”

The door closed and Chakotay realised that she was about to endure another physiotherapy session. Suddenly, the thought occurred to him. He would ask the Doctor to teach him what to do. Perhaps in that way he could lend some practical assistance. He so desperately wanted to help and not feel so powerless. Besides, a few hours less with the EMH was something Kathryn was sure to appreciate.

Falling into bed, he smiled to himself and closed his eyes. He would ask both Kathryn and the Doctor first thing in the morning.

That was his final thought before sleep descended. Yet, in what seemed like only moments, he was waking to the sound of birds singing and a baby crying.

* * *

Chakotay clambered out of bed and after quickly getting dressed, hurried downstairs to see what the commotion was all about. He followed the sounds to the kitchen and found Kathryn by the replicator with Miral at her feet, the child crying while hugging Kathryn’s good leg.

Kathryn was wrestling with something on the bench while talking soothingly to the distressed baby. “It’s almost there, honey. One more twist. There, got it. Come on. Up you get and off we go.”

Kathryn turned and jumped when she saw him. “Oh, Chakotay. I wasn’t expecting to see you so early. Sorry we woke you. Miral is spending the morning with us while Tom and B’Elanna catch up with some of the old crew. I’m afraid I’m a bit slow getting the teat on the bottle and like her mother, Miral isn’t blessed with a great deal of patience.”

Kathryn chuckled and then looked down at her charge. As soon as Chakotay entered the room, Miral had stopped crying but now she was hiding behind Kathryn’s legs.

“Can I do anything to help?”

Kathryn shook her head. “No, but you might want to make yourself scarce for a moment. She’s not used to you and is a bit timid with strangers. I’m assuming that trait is from Tom’s side of the family… somewhere.” Kathryn smiled and looked down again at the tousled haired little girl. “Come on, sweetheart. We’ll have your bottle in the big chair.”

Chakotay ducked out of Miral and Kathryn’s way as they moved towards the living area. He smiled at the pair – Miral holding Kathryn’s weakened hand and toddling happily beside her. Kathryn sat in one of the comfortable lounge chairs, putting her cane within easy reach before waiting for Miral to clamber up onto her lap. Taking the bottle from Kathryn, the little girl lay down in her arms, snuggled in, stuck the bottle in her mouth and began to drink happily.

Chakotay took a seat opposite and Miral glanced at him suspiciously from the safety of Kathryn’s lap as she suckled contentedly. The baby was obviously very at ease with Kathryn and it all seemed so natural. With a shake of his head, he smiled broadly.

Kathryn eyed him. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. It’s wonderful. I just never imagined you like this.”

“I’m not a complete ogre.”

“I know. That’s not what I mean.”

“I used to feed and baby-sit Naomi on occasion and I do have nieces and nephews. Babies and children like me.” There was a slightly defensive edge to her tone.

“I’m not at all surprised.”

“Yes you are. You’re looking at me as if the thought had never occurred to you before.” She smiled.

He knew she’d smiled to soften the reprimand, but she was right. It was something Chakotay had never really imagined – Kathryn with children, even though she’d been wonderful with Naomi and the young Borg when they were onboard. Not to mention her godson, Q. He wondered for a moment why it had never occurred to him. This was yet another aspect of her complex character with which he would have to acquaint himself. Suddenly images of Kathryn – full bellied with his child, small red-haired girls and dark haired boys with blue eyes – flashed through his mind. The mental pictures triggered a deep yearning that until that moment he didn’t know he’d harboured.

Momentarily shocked at his train of thought, he spoke without thinking. “You’d make a wonderful mother.”

Kathryn breathed deeply. “Hmmm, it’s something I always imagined doing, but it’s not likely.” She smiled lovingly down at Miral when the baby lifted her little hand and placed it on Kathryn’s cheek. With eyes riveted to her auntie’s face, the Miral’s chubby fingers moved to touch Kathryn’s lips as she spoke.

It was a trusting caress and Chakotay watched, enchanted as Miral’s eyes grew heavy, the bottle near empty.

“I don’t see why not.” He was so engrossed with the picture in front of him and those in his imagination, he’d forgotten about her injuries.

“It may not be possible. My pelvis, you see. It was crushed and… well, they’re still not sure about the damage…” She shrugged and, while holding Miral’s hand, she kissed her little fingers and studied them, avoiding Chakotay’s eyes.

The blissful images shattered into a million pieces when he realised what he’d done. If he could have kicked himself for every gaffe and blunder he’d made so far, he’d be black and blue. What could he say to mend the heartache she must feel about the prospect of being childless when she’d just made it clear that it was something she desired? While they’d been in the Delta Quadrant, it was never a possibility; her life had been on hold – but now they were home.

The fates had dealt her a cruel blow and he only seemed capable of adding to her pain.

All the guilt, grief and sorrow that he’d been bottling up for days, surged to the surface and, overwhelmed, Chakotay stood abruptly. He took one last look at Kathryn with the baby nestled in her lap and, after muttering a quiet, “Excuse me,” he left the room.

* * *

Without stopping, he strode out the front door, down the steps and headed towards the woods, berating himself the whole way. He needed to think – to get some perspective – and he couldn’t do that while she was right there in front of him. One look was all that it had taken for him to know that everything he’d ever wanted – all of his dreams and hopes – were encapsulated in her small but tenacious frame. But he was in turmoil. The unresolved issues of his seven-year exile, his anger at Starfleet and himself for abandoning the crew in their hour of need and glut of feelings he still held for Kathryn had all come to an explosive head.

Why the hell had he come? He should have thought about it more carefully and realised that it would throw his ordinary but ordered life into chaos. The break had been made and he should have known that he couldn’t go back or retrieve what he’d allowed to slip through his fingers.

Damn it.

Pushing branches out of the way, he crashed through the sparse undergrowth until he was beyond the sight line of the house. He slumped back against the trunk of the nearest tree and sank to the ground.

 _Fuck!_ The anger boiled up inside and he pounded the ground beside him. It had all been so perfect when he’d first seen her. He felt as if he’d come _home_. Being here and the promise of reuniting with her had filled him with such joy and delight; the road ahead had seemed so clear. But then it had been demolished with the mind-searing shock of seeing her limping away from him, so hurt and damaged, her arm twisted by her side. He should have known! They should have told him! The twin wash of guilt and anger had been hard to control but he’d managed only to learn that she’d suffered such agonies and anguish because of him. That knowledge had left him gutted. She shouldn’t have had to pay for his past transgressions and, no matter what she said, he should have been by her side. The fact that he hadn’t been was a failing he couldn’t endure. His remorse and self-loathing were more than he could bear. There had been no time to prepare, no time to come to terms with the reality of her new circumstances and he’d been left scrambling to find some sort of handhold and was failing miserably.

He was out of his depth. As much as he wanted to help her, the kindest thing he could think to do was head back to Trebus. He was no use to her here and he couldn’t bear the fact that he was causing her more pain. She was better off without him. Her life had been peaceful and ordered until he’d arrived and turned it upside down. Or maybe his life had been turned upside down by coming here? He was so confused, he didn’t know which way was up anymore. All he knew was that he had to go. Now. Before he could change his mind or do more damage.

Without looking back, he took off down the mountain to the transporter station and began the long journey home.

* * *

Two hours later, he was sitting at the shuttle terminal in San Francisco, his ticket in his pocket, his simple life on Trebus waiting for him.

 _It was the right thing to do._ He’d been saying that to himself since he’d left the mountain; the mantra had tormented him for the entire two hours. And as much as he wanted to believe it, he was not convinced. His mind was still whirring in circles and he was trying desperately to find the person he’d been when he arrived three days ago. The Chakotay who had arrived on Earth a few days before had been a different man from the one he was now. On Trebus, he’d been so sure of himself and his place in this universe, with only a few loose ends to tie up before he got on with his ordered and mundane life. Damn Kathryn! She’d always been able to throw him for a loop; she’d been doing it ever since he’d laid eyes on her all those years ago.

 _All those years._ His heart missed a beat.

All those years that they’d lived and worked side by side, carrying on through thick and thin, good, bad and ugly; loving, hating and everything in between. She was so much a part of him that he didn’t know if he could live life without her. Nor was he sure that he wanted to. What had seemed like a perfectly sound decision two hours ago sent a flutter of panic through him now. He’d left her, without a goodbye or an explanation. He’d simply disappeared. What the hell had he been thinking? What the hell would she think of him? He had to go back!

Pivoting to his feet, he was about to start the long trek back to Arcadia when he heard her. The sound of her distinctive voice set his heart hammering so hard against his ribcage, it threatened to burst from his chest.

“Thank you, porter. Just there will be fine.”

The world slowed as he turned. She was standing there, leaning on her cane, looking at him. Her eyes were clear and the bluest blue he’d ever seen. Words deserted him, but as she lifted her injured arm towards him, the dam burst and he rushed forward, pulling her into his arms. He held her in a crushing embrace, terrified that if he let her go she would leave or evaporate into the ether.

She whispered into his ear. “You left without saying good bye and you forgot to take your things.”

His heart shrivelled. She was only here to bring his bag and belongings. Loosening his hold, he stepped back abruptly and she shuffled awkwardly for a moment before she found her footing.

Chakotay ground out a stony, “Thank you.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome.”

He looked down to see two bags sitting side by side. “I only had one bag.”

Kathryn nodded. “I know. The other’s mine.”

He frowned. “Yours?”

“I’m coming with you.”

“What? I…”

“You didn’t think I was going to let you escape that easily did you?”

“I don’t even understand why you’re still talking to me after what I said and what I’ve done.” He bent a little closer to her. “You’re coming to Trebus with me? You can’t.”

“I can. I have my ticket and I’m packed. The Doctor has even given me a list of instructions for you, so that you can administer my torture.”

“Kathryn, Trebus is not where you want to live.”

“I don’t care where I live, as long as I’m with you.”

“What?” His thoughts were tripping over one another.

“You heard me. I’m not letting you go this time, Chakotay. I’m sick of being noble. I love you. I’ve loved you for years and it’s time I told you.”

“I… You love me? Still?”

“Yes. For years.”

He blinked twice and took a step towards her again. “You’d come to Trebus with me? You’d live there in the heat and the dust?” She was one audacious woman and he loved her all the more for it.

She nodded. “Gladly, if we can be together. I said I’d live anywhere with you and I meant it. I don’t care. I’m not letting you walk out of my life again.” She swallowed, and for the first time, Chakotay saw a flash of vulnerability behind the steady gaze.

That was his undoing. Without another word, he bent down and picked up both their bags, slinging them over his shoulder. He then scooped her into his arms and took off, almost at a jog, towards the exit.

“Chakotay, put me down. Where the hell are you taking me? Chakotay!!! Our shuttle!”

“No. We’re going home.”

“But Trebus?”

“Another day. We’re going home to Arcadia. Where we belong.”

Kathryn laughed and rested back against his shoulder as he marched them through the terminal. A few beings stopped and stared but Chakotay ignored them and, glancing down at Kathryn’s face, it was obvious that she didn’t care either. Once in the transporter station, Chakotay gently placed Kathryn on her feet. She held his arm for balance and kept her eyes glued to his as she recited the coordinates to the transporter tech.

Chakotay dropped the bags on the pad beside them and while turning to face her, pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry, Kathryn. I love you. I…”

She placed her fingers on his lips to silence him. “We’ll work it out. I told you it would be all right in the end.”

He nodded and took her hand, kissing her fingertips before dipping his head closer. Smiling, he saw her eyelids flutter shut, and then he touched his lips to hers in the gentlest of kisses. She pressed back and he was lost, drowning in the feel of her body against his, the taste of her, the scent – so familiar but almost heady in such close proximity. His whole body was tingling as they wrapped themselves around one another.

Her mouth opened under his and their tongues touched. Kathryn moaned and the fingers of her left hand wove through his hair, holding him to her. She needn’t have bothered; he wasn’t going anywhere. This kiss had been waiting almost eight years and it was as close to perfect as a kiss could be.

After breathless moments immersed in the taste and feel of each other, Chakotay heard someone clear their throat and he reluctantly dragged his mouth away from Kathryn’s.

He opened his eyes to meet the gaze of a slightly embarrassed but very happy looking Richard Parish. Chakotay stammered. “Uh, hello. Kathryn, we’re here.”

Parish smiled broadly as Kathryn turned and grinned. “Hello, Richard. I found him.”

The young man laughed. “So I see.”

Kathryn chuckled. “Is the hover-car still out there?”

“Yes, ma’am… I mean, Kathryn. I didn’t contact Vorik to collect it. I had a feeling you might be back.”

“Richard Parish, you are a sly one.”

“So I’ve been told.” He stepped up onto the platform and picked up their bags.

Chakotay bent down, intending to carry Kathryn out to the hover-car, but she shook her head. “As fun as it is, I’ll walk. I need the practice – if I’m ever going to waltz.” She winked at him.

Nodding, he took her weak arm and laced it through his before handing her the cane. “Shall we?”

Kathryn leaned up and touched her lips to his. “Welcome home, Chakotay.”

He took a deep breath, running the back of his fingers down her cheek. “Thank you. I’m very pleased to be here.”

With her close by his side, they walked out to the hover-car. He helped her in, lifting her leg gently before taking his place beside her and making their way back home to Arcadia.

Richard and Vorik were the only people who had known of Chakotay’s flight and return. And at both his and Kathryn’s behest, it was never mentioned again.

* * *

Kathryn and Chakotay were married three months to the day after the first anniversary of Voyager’s return. Close to one hundred and fifty crew and family gathered to see them exchange vows on the gardens of their mountain home. Chakotay’s family from Trebus made the long journey to Earth to witness the nuptials. His sister, in particular, was thrilled to see him so happy.

Kathryn and Chakotay then accompanied his family on their return trip, bringing with them some much-needed supplies. Richard Parish and the Maquis had outdone themselves by procuring a hydrogen generator, solar stills, water pumps and an irrigation system suitable for the harsh climate on Trebus. Kathryn oversaw the installation of all their new equipment and both she and Chakotay looked on in delight as the channels around the fields filled with water for the first time and the irrigation systems were brought online.

This was a giant step in the battle to bring Trebus back to the lush and beautiful planet it had once been. It would be a slow process for the first few years, but as the waterways were restored, the Water Cycle would re-establish itself and the rains would eventually come; the climate would slowly change from the harsh desert-like conditions of the present to a more temperate clime in the future.

After a month on Trebus, it was time for Kathryn and Chakotay to return to Earth. There was a tearful farewell with plans to return the following year, coupled with invitations to visit Earth and their home at anytime.

Their return to Arcadia was a joyous one. They’d been in intermittent contact with Tom and B’Elanna during their absence but it was a relief to climb the front steps of the house and look out over the valley and fields beyond.

It was good to be home.

* * *

As they neared the second anniversary of Voyager’s return, Arcadia had become a haven for over seventy of the returnees and their families. It was a thriving community – a place of peace and solace for those who needed it and a welcoming home for others.

Seven had made her relationship with Richard Parish official and although he still operated the transporter station, he was now a permanent resident of Arcadia. Harry and Celes had also married and were expecting their first child in a matter of months.

Kathryn – with Chakotay and the Doctor’s help – had continued her rehabilitation and today, one would never know she’d ever been incapacitated. Her limp was barely noticeable and her arm had completely healed – strong enough that in a few months, she would be able to hold her newborn infant in her arms for the first time.

On the day of the reunion, Kathryn and Chakotay took a moment away from the crush to stand on the veranda of their home and look out over the sea of people milling about on the lawns and gardens. Harry and the Kimtones were playing, and they laughed as they watched Miral do a hopping dance to the jazzy rhythm of the music.

“It’s hard to believe a year has passed.” Chakotay was standing behind Kathryn, his arms draped around her waist, his hands resting on the small swell of her belly.

She placed her hand over his, looked over her shoulder at him and smiled. “Yes and no. It’s certainly been a busy year. There have been lots of firsts.”

Turning her towards him, Chakotay tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her gently. “This time next year there will be three of us.”

She nodded and looked towards the crew. “There will be another six Voyagers by this time next year. We’re taking over the world.”

Laughing, he hugged her against him and, without her knowing, he gave Harry a signal.

Harry nodded and smiled.

“There’s another first that we need to take care of.”

She suddenly looked worried. “Please tell me you’re not going to do something inappropriate in front of the crew. I would like to maintain some measure of decorum.

He guffawed. “It must be the pregnancy hormones; you only have one thing on your mind lately. Not that I’m complaining.”

Slapping him lightly on the arm, she gave him a tight smile. “Okay, what ‘first’ are we talking about?”

He nodded towards Harry and the music changed tempo.

Kathryn spun around and stared at the band, turned back to Chakotay and smiled.

He bowed low in front of her, taking her hand in his. “May I have this dance, milady?”

Beaming a dazzling smile, she curtsied and stepped into his arms. Under the sturdy eaves of Arcadia and to the strains of Chopin, for the very first time, they waltzed.

_fin_


End file.
